Navigating Motherhood and Mental Health

It's Mental Health Awareness Month, and what better time to share my story and how I became passionate about supporting mothers dealing with burnout.

Motherhood is often portrayed as a journey filled with endless joy, love, and fulfillment. And while those moments certainly exist, the reality is far more complex. Behind the picture-perfect scenes are challenges that many mothers face silently, particularly when it comes to managing their mental health.

As a coach specializing in supporting moms through burnout and work-life balance, I intimately understand the intricacies of this journey. But my understanding isn't just professional; it's deeply personal. Here is my journey—a story of struggle, growth, and ultimately, resilience. You can also listen to my story HERE. 

Discovering Pregnancy Amidst Uncertainty

My journey as a second-time mom began with discovering I was pregnant, which, for a brief moment, was filled with excitement and anticipation. Shortly after, I was thrust into a time of uncertainty as I suddenly lost my job. And for someone who deeply enjoys working and is passionate about it, this was difficult. I often say it felt like an athlete who’d just experienced an injury that would take them out of the game for the rest of the season. It was devastating.

Facing Mental Health Struggles During Pregnancy

Amidst the chaos of uncertainty, mental health struggles crept in. Prenatal depression and suicidal ideation became my reality, overshadowing what should have been a time of joy and anticipation. It was a dark period—a time when simply getting through each day felt like a challenge. Approximately 17% of pregnant individuals experience depression during pregnancy, according to research published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

I can remember sitting on the couch, my daughter in her room playing, and my husband, at the time, in the garage. I did one of the bravest things I knew to do: I chose to live. I called my husband inside, told him what I was experiencing, and told him that I thought we should go to the doctor. He agreed, and within a week, I was in my OB’s office. She too listened and took my concerns seriously. She recommended antidepressants that would be safe for me and the baby. I agreed, and then my focus would shift to healing so that I could get off the meds.

Seeking Support and Connection

In my work, I talk so much about asking for and receiving support because it is life-changing. What many people don’t know is that burnout is more pervasive in individualistic cultures. In societies that choose to carry the burden alone, there is a higher risk for burnout. It takes courage to acknowledge when we need help, but it's a crucial step toward healing.

Another asset in my journey of pregnancy and dealing with prenatal depression was our decision to hire a doula. She swooped in and spent the next 6 months teaching me about my body, natural remedies, and ways to care for my physical and mental health. This is when I began to understand the mind-body connection and the importance of them both being balanced.

Every July, I get to to watch my son turn another year older, and I’m incredibly grateful that I had the courage to ask for help, and that my support system stepped in to help.

Discovering the Importance of Self-Care

Because I was unemployed and had so much time on my hands, I would begin to discover self-care. When you are unwell, self-care is the medicine to help you feel whole. A survey by the American Psychological Association found that only 48% of adults in the United States believe they get enough social support, indicating a need for more emphasis on self-care and building support networks.

As I started this journey, I found myself feeling ashamed because I didn’t know how to really prioritize myself and my happiness. Sure, I was a doctoral student, mother, and wife, but I had no idea of my identity outside of those things. So I started small, with an activity I loved as a child, swimming. It was safe for me and the baby so we swam for the entire pregnancy. Now, I often tell my clients, that self-care is going to look and feel different for everyone. The key is focusing on what rejuvenates and restores your energy, that’s how you will know.

Navigating Through Burnout

As I started feeling better, was gainfully employed, and delivered a healthy baby boy, I found myself running back to work, almost as if the last 9 months hadn’t taught me anything. I’ve learned that we will repeat lessons and cycles as much as we need to in order to make a change.

I was ready to leave the past behind me, and I spent spend most of that next year traveling for work, pumping in airports, and eventually leading to burnout. Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion brought on by prolonged or intense stress.

While I had learned so much during my pregnancy, what I didn’t understand were the signs of burnout. I’d make jokes when meeting with clients about how traveling would give me a good night's rest, food while it's hot, and no one banging on the door while I was in the shower. I was listing my boundaries and didn’t realize. Moms who experience signs of burnout also have a strong desire to escape. It wasn’t just a desire; I was unknowingly utilizing work as a way to escape.

Learning Boundaries and Self-Care

And then it changed. I found myself not succeeding in either roles, at home and at work. To say I was feeling stretched thin was an understatement. 

Once again, I’d find myself asking for support.  I decided to work with a coach that I’d worked with in the past. She asked me to get really honest with myself of why my life was crumbling yet again. We started with my boundaries, self-care, stress management, and communication. I quickly learned that the only thing harder than having boundaries is communicating them. I’d spend the next year piecing my life together and recovering. 

Empowering Others Through My Experience

Prevention work is so important, as it can decrease the likelihood of being completely burned out, which takes even more time to recover. It’s been important to me to educate, coach, and speak on burnout. I deeply believe that we can change how we experience motherhood, and it starts with us taking care of and honoring ourselves. It requires us to

build our support system, while being aware of their needs. And most of all, we are modeling for our children what it looks like to enjoy parenthood, be passionate about working, and still take care of ourselves. A study published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found that employees with high levels of social support at work are less likely to experience burnout and have better mental health outcomes.

Navigating motherhood and mental health is an ongoing journey, one that requires introspection,  community, and believing that you can create a version of motherhood that feels empowering for you.

As we continue to honor mental health awareness month, I will be hosting a FREE workshop, Revitalize Your Well-being: Exploring Parental Burnout, Self-Care, and Stress Management on May 28th at 6:30pm CST.

Dr. Amber Gunner, a Balance Strategist and Workforce Engagement Consultant, is a leading practitioner and advocate for empowering working moms to achieve work-life balance and succeed in both their personal and professional lives. With a deep understanding of the challenges faced by working moms, Dr. Gunner is dedicated to providing the tools, resources, and support needed to help them avoid parental burnout and thrive without sacrificing their well-being.