The Power of Allyship: Turning Dreams into Reality and Preventing Parental Burnout

Taking my kids to Orlando for their birthday felt like an ambitious goal, especially in my first year of full-time entrepreneurship, which demands a very lean lifestyle. After working with moms for three years, I identified a crucial missing link in their journey to prevent burnout: allyship, or a support network. Little did I realize, the framework for allyship was already present in my life.

When I committed to our Orlando trip, I knew I would need to lean on my allies and support system. This experience taught me invaluable lessons about allyship: it doesn’t have to be perfect to be effective. The willingness to ask for and accept help can lead to beautiful outcomes. Here’s how it all came together, along with a few actions to help you foster your own support network.

Understanding Parental Burnout and the Importance of Support

Parental burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress related to parenting. It often occurs when parents feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. According to research published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies, parental burnout is characterized by three dimensions:

1. Exhaustion in Parental Roles: Feeling completely worn out by the demands of parenting.
2. Emotional Distancing: Becoming emotionally detached from one's children.
3. Feelings of Incompetence: Doubting one's ability to be a good parent.

Planning trips, especially significant ones like a birthday vacation, can be a major source of stress for parents. The logistical challenges, financial concerns, and the pressure to create a perfect experience can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion. This is where a strong support network becomes essential.

From Recognition to Action

Step 1: Get Clear on Your Needs

I took the time to clearly identify what I needed help with. For us, it was ensuring that the kids had an unforgettable birthday at a theme park.

• Action: Before asking for help, be specific about your needs. Clarity helps others understand how they can support you effectively.

Step 2: Have a Clear Cause

Having a clear cause—my kids' birthday celebration—made it easier for my family to rally around the idea. Instead of asking for traditional gifts, I requested that our family contribute to buying theme park tickets.

• Action: When you have a clear cause or goal, it's easier for people to rally around it. Make sure your request is focused and meaningful.

Step 3: Accept That You Need Support

I had to come to terms with the fact that I needed support. Overcoming my feelings of needing to ask for help was crucial. This step involved acknowledging that needing help is okay and that everyone needs support at times.

• Action: Acknowledge that needing help is okay. Everyone needs support at times, and asking for it is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Step 4: Reflect on Past Successes

Reflecting on past experiences where my requests for help were successful gave me the confidence to ask again. I leaned on these positive experiences to build my confidence.

• Action: Think about previous times when asking for help worked out well. Use those positive experiences to build your confidence.

Step 5: Envision Willing Helpers

Envisioning my family being more than willing to help made it easier to make the ask. This positive mindset was crucial.

• Action: Visualize your support system responding positively to your request. A positive outlook can make a big difference in how you approach the situation.

Step 6: Accept What’s Offered and Show Appreciation

Accepting whatever support my family was willing to give and trusting that we would figure out the rest was essential. Additionally, extending my gratitude to everyone who supported us strengthened our relationships.

• Action: Be grateful for any help you receive, even if it’s not exactly what you envisioned. Trust that things will work out in the end. Show appreciation to those who have supported you to strengthen your relationships and build a lasting support network.

Beyond Gifting: Active Involvement

Beyond just gifting the kids their theme park tickets, my mom, sister, and best friend joined us to ensure the kids were safe and supported throughout the trip. Their presence was not only comforting but also crucial in managing the logistics and keeping the children engaged and safe. This aspect of my planning was something I did well and significantly reduced my stress during the trip.

The Impact of Allyship

By fostering a culture of allyship, we can significantly reduce the risk of parental burnout and enhance overall well-being. Support networks provide a buffer against stress, offer practical assistance, and create a sense of community and belonging. For parents, having a strong support system can make the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling empowered.

Remember, allyship and support can make seemingly impossible dreams a reality. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and trust in the process.

Dr. Amber Gunner, a Balance Strategist and Workforce Engagement Consultant, is a leading practitioner and advocate for empowering working moms to achieve work-life balance and succeed in both their personal and professional lives. With a deep understanding of the challenges faced by working moms, Dr. Gunner is dedicated to providing the tools, resources, and support needed to help them avoid parental burnout and thrive without sacrificing their well-being.

References:

•  Mikolajczak, M., Gross, J. J., & Roskam, I. (2019). Parental Burnout: What Is It, and Why Does It Matter?. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 28(7), 1980-1989.
• American Psychological Association. (2020). Stress in America 2020: Stress in the Time of COVID-19.
• World Health Organization. (2019). Burn-out an "occupational phenomenon": International Classification of Diseases.
•  Halbesleben, J. R. B. (2006). Sources of social support and burnout: A meta-analytic test of the conservation of resources model. Journal of Applied Psychology, 91(5), 1134-1145.
•  Roskam, I., Raes, M. E., & Mikolajczak, M. (2017). Exhausted parents: Development and preliminary validation of the Parental Burnout Inventory. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, 163. 

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